Assuming that time travel will one day be possible, it’s logical to assume rich people will be the only ones with access to it in its introductory years. As Sterling Cooper has demonstrated, the small Laundromat that was a computer in 1969 was best suited for a Madison Avenue ad agency in the glory days of ad agencies, a company that could pay 94 men to work for 3 days installing it. When time travel is possible, the big harry mechanism that allows it will be just as Laundromaty and just as expensive. So like the cure for AIDS and the secrets of Xenu, Celebrities and conglomerate CEOs will be the first lucky few to afford it. They’ll have to go to special chrono-spas where they’re pampered while they wait. And they’ll be fed future delicacies, like iPhone 4 batteries on saltines with a side of shredded leather, because the future is a desolate wasteland of electronic compost and Michael Kors bags. The future is also all they’ll be allowed to see, because anyone who’s seen McFly play guitar through Earth Angel knows that traveling to the past is way too paradoxical.
What will they do when they get there? If they’re smart, they’ll travel all the way to the point in the future when they’ve perfected backwards time travel. This way they can go back and stop themselves from sending that one tweet or see what the Christ thing was all about. They won’t do that though. They’ll travel to the point in time when the cosmetic industry has developed a pill you can take that reverses the age on all your bendable parts. Thanks to time travel, Kris Jenner can have the knees and knuckles of a young Jaden Smith.
Finally, like all luxuries before it, time travel will settle into a Gucci phase, and it’ll be found in kiosks at your local outlet Mall. Groupon will offer a 2 week summer getaway to the Hollywood Hill Ruins of 4055. By that time,Sir Kanye West IV will tweet photos from his private pod, while your grandson’s great grandson tweets a photo of the free Android battery-saltine he received from his economy seat on a Southwest travel that he booked 1 year in advance.
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