Stats

America’s avg IQ is down 14pts in the last 100 yrs. Coincidentally, the avg. American is 14pts away from beating Kim Kardashian’s video game app.

The Sneeze

In Kindergarten, Annabelle Honor sneezed.  Who cares, right? Everyone at the EPA is who cared.  The class sat on the carpet for story time with Annabelle in the front row.  She must have been incubating some descendant strain of the plague, because when she sneezed, a giant florescent blob of Jello shot into the carpet a couple of feet away.  We all flew away like a cloud of smoke being blown in by a strong gust of wind.  Some children screamed, others started sobbing, I was paralyzed with fear. Annabelle and her glowing orb chose inaction.  At five years old, I’d seen gross things, but never anything so big and so spontaneous.  One second she was fine, and the next we wondered if she would live to see tomorrow.  After a beat, a frenzied Ms. Gardner rushed us all to our seats where we dried our eyes and shivered.  Two minutes later, a small team of gloved janitors in face masks came to collect and dispose of the threat.  Why weren’t we given face masks?  Was it too late for us? I stopped breathing.  By this time everyone had forgotten Annabelle.  She sat at her desk crying while a CSI staff cordoned off the contamination zone and sprayed it down with white foam.  The teacher’s assistant walked her to the nurse’s office, and finally, Ms. Gardner finished reading. I tried to listen to her words but they melted together and formed a hypnotizing hum. I stared at our new ground zero, and it seemed to pulse with residual panic, a residue that white foam could never dissolve.

A healthy Annabelle returned the next day, and class resumed. We read books and sat on the carpet, and nobody acknowledged the sneeze.  It was like we all tacitly agreed it was too painful to revisit.

*Some names have been changed out of kindness

“At the end of the day, we can endure much more than we think we can.”

Frida Kahlo (via micdotcom)

I’ll vouch for Kahlo on this one.  You know, in case you weren’t sure about her, and you were like I wonder what a young nobody has to say.

My grandmother was a legalized alien who spoke little English.  She made money buying and selling new and used goods.  In her lifetime she had breast cancer, suffered a stroke and for as long as I can remember, half of her face was paralyzed.  One day, she needed to buy a van to keep her business moving, so she went to the car lot in a traditional Mexican style dress, the square shaped embroidered ones that you might see a bohemian girl wearing nowadays.  She was not a bohemian girl; she was a hardened wily immigrant, and she had short curly hair that was usually disheveled from the whirlwinds of badassery.  Maybe she was rough around the edges, but she was spry in business savvy. The guy at the car lot Pretty Woman-ed her, because she obviously didn’t belong there.  But in a triumphant fuck-you to cultural prejudice, she pulled out a baller bank roll of cash and drove away in her van.  She hustled til the day she died. 

Weekly Horoscope (all signs)

As you know, you are elegant and tasteful but also a sleazy scumbag.  Use this to your advantage this week when your current romantic exploits are fraught with disaster, and you’ll find that all is well that ends in a figurative hail of terrifying gun fire.

In the workplace, co-workers appreciate you for your patience, but let them know they shouldn’t test you. You are a calculating predator with a heart of gold, a gold that melts under extreme temperatures and re-hardens as a spikey no-man’s land.

Elsewhere, a stunted project finds new life when you’re pushed to unfamiliar levels of motivation by buying that kimono you questioned.  Jupiter is in retrograde and the moon is in thumbnail, so you’ll likely find your singular creativity in hyper-drive. Use spicy mayo, wear your hair inside your scalp, cat-eye those eyelids. 

Spilled coffee on my keyboard

to see if I still feel.

“Am I at the Eiffel Tower or my sofa? Doesn’t matter.”
— Selfie

Dan Auerbach about to background-music me through this scene where I study really convincingly. #soundtrack

whitehouse:

Reblog if you agree: Higher education is the best investment you can make in your future. Let’s make it more affordable.

And at 4 p.m. ET, tune in here on whitehouse.tumblr.com to watch President Obama’s first-ever Tumblr Q&A, answering your questions on education.

To borrow the most uninspired cliché, the price of college is what it is.  All of the people that I know who have career and financial success are college graduates.  Yeah, they probably dove head first into a volcano of debt in order to get where they are, but the knowledge and skills they acquired were those of How to Escape Certain Volcanic Death.  They know how to render the lava inert, turning it into a cool bed of igneous rock where they can sleep and work on their escape from the pit of this volcano exploits.  They’re never so indebted financially and intellectually that they burn alive. 

"I watch my music concerts through the screen of a stranger’s phone or not at all." -Douchey Robot from the future.

Time Travel: The Sterling Coopers will do it first

Assuming that time travel will one day be possible, it’s logical to assume  rich people will be the only ones with access to it in its introductory years.  As Sterling Cooper has demonstrated, the small Laundromat that was a computer in 1969 was best suited for a Madison Avenue ad agency in the glory days of ad agencies, a company that could pay 94 men to work for 3 days installing it. When time travel is possible, the big harry mechanism that allows it will be just as Laundromaty and just as expensive.  So like the cure for AIDS and the secrets of Xenu, Celebrities and conglomerate CEOs will be the first lucky few to afford it.  They’ll have to go to special chrono-spas where they’re pampered while they wait. And they’ll be fed future delicacies, like iPhone 4 batteries on saltines with a side of shredded leather, because the future is a desolate wasteland of electronic compost and Michael Kors bags.  The future is also all they’ll be allowed to see, because anyone who’s seen McFly play guitar through Earth Angel knows that traveling to the past is way too paradoxical.

What will they do when they get there?  If they’re smart, they’ll travel all the way to the point in the future when they’ve perfected backwards time travel.  This way they can go back and stop themselves from sending that one tweet or see what the Christ thing was all about.  They won’t do that though.  They’ll travel to the point in time when the cosmetic industry has developed a pill you can take that reverses the age on all your bendable parts.  Thanks to time travel, Kris Jenner can have the knees and knuckles of a young Jaden Smith. 

Finally, like all luxuries before it, time travel will settle into a Gucci phase, and it’ll be found in kiosks at your local outlet Mall. Groupon will offer a 2 week summer getaway to the Hollywood Hill Ruins of 4055.  By that time,Sir Kanye West IV will tweet photos from his private pod, while your grandson’s great grandson tweets a photo of the free Android battery-saltine he received from his economy seat on a Southwest travel that he booked 1 year in advance. 

image

photo courtesy of btothef.tumblr.com

“My worth is not equal to my man hands.”
— me
intiniermoments:

Stand up for who you love <3All photos here!

Ah, finally a post that rebukes the marginalization of the tattooed community in the vein of popular campaigns for racial equality, gay rights, and feminism.  Because having a tattoo is equal to all of those things.
"If lesbians should be a allowed to marry, I, a person who voluntarily inked this sugar skull on my forearm, should be allowed unconditional respect. Also, since when are my actions a reflection of my personal judgment?"
Btw, girl in the first box on the right, when people defend their worth as being separate from their appearance, they’re referring to the qualities that they have no control over, like me and my man hands.  That post should read - My worth is not equal to my man hands.
Chappelle said it best when he said - to the girl at the club - you’re not a whore, but “you’re wearing a whore’s uniform.”  And if you buy and wear a cop uniform, be prepared to waist time explaining and proving that you are not a cop. 
"But I love my cop uniform, and I wanna wear it permanently." intiniermoments:

Stand up for who you love <3All photos here!

Ah, finally a post that rebukes the marginalization of the tattooed community in the vein of popular campaigns for racial equality, gay rights, and feminism.  Because having a tattoo is equal to all of those things.
"If lesbians should be a allowed to marry, I, a person who voluntarily inked this sugar skull on my forearm, should be allowed unconditional respect. Also, since when are my actions a reflection of my personal judgment?"
Btw, girl in the first box on the right, when people defend their worth as being separate from their appearance, they’re referring to the qualities that they have no control over, like me and my man hands.  That post should read - My worth is not equal to my man hands.
Chappelle said it best when he said - to the girl at the club - you’re not a whore, but “you’re wearing a whore’s uniform.”  And if you buy and wear a cop uniform, be prepared to waist time explaining and proving that you are not a cop. 
"But I love my cop uniform, and I wanna wear it permanently." intiniermoments:

Stand up for who you love <3All photos here!

Ah, finally a post that rebukes the marginalization of the tattooed community in the vein of popular campaigns for racial equality, gay rights, and feminism.  Because having a tattoo is equal to all of those things.
"If lesbians should be a allowed to marry, I, a person who voluntarily inked this sugar skull on my forearm, should be allowed unconditional respect. Also, since when are my actions a reflection of my personal judgment?"
Btw, girl in the first box on the right, when people defend their worth as being separate from their appearance, they’re referring to the qualities that they have no control over, like me and my man hands.  That post should read - My worth is not equal to my man hands.
Chappelle said it best when he said - to the girl at the club - you’re not a whore, but “you’re wearing a whore’s uniform.”  And if you buy and wear a cop uniform, be prepared to waist time explaining and proving that you are not a cop. 
"But I love my cop uniform, and I wanna wear it permanently." intiniermoments:

Stand up for who you love <3All photos here!

Ah, finally a post that rebukes the marginalization of the tattooed community in the vein of popular campaigns for racial equality, gay rights, and feminism.  Because having a tattoo is equal to all of those things.
"If lesbians should be a allowed to marry, I, a person who voluntarily inked this sugar skull on my forearm, should be allowed unconditional respect. Also, since when are my actions a reflection of my personal judgment?"
Btw, girl in the first box on the right, when people defend their worth as being separate from their appearance, they’re referring to the qualities that they have no control over, like me and my man hands.  That post should read - My worth is not equal to my man hands.
Chappelle said it best when he said - to the girl at the club - you’re not a whore, but “you’re wearing a whore’s uniform.”  And if you buy and wear a cop uniform, be prepared to waist time explaining and proving that you are not a cop. 
"But I love my cop uniform, and I wanna wear it permanently." intiniermoments:

Stand up for who you love <3All photos here!

Ah, finally a post that rebukes the marginalization of the tattooed community in the vein of popular campaigns for racial equality, gay rights, and feminism.  Because having a tattoo is equal to all of those things.
"If lesbians should be a allowed to marry, I, a person who voluntarily inked this sugar skull on my forearm, should be allowed unconditional respect. Also, since when are my actions a reflection of my personal judgment?"
Btw, girl in the first box on the right, when people defend their worth as being separate from their appearance, they’re referring to the qualities that they have no control over, like me and my man hands.  That post should read - My worth is not equal to my man hands.
Chappelle said it best when he said - to the girl at the club - you’re not a whore, but “you’re wearing a whore’s uniform.”  And if you buy and wear a cop uniform, be prepared to waist time explaining and proving that you are not a cop. 
"But I love my cop uniform, and I wanna wear it permanently." intiniermoments:

Stand up for who you love <3All photos here!

Ah, finally a post that rebukes the marginalization of the tattooed community in the vein of popular campaigns for racial equality, gay rights, and feminism.  Because having a tattoo is equal to all of those things.
"If lesbians should be a allowed to marry, I, a person who voluntarily inked this sugar skull on my forearm, should be allowed unconditional respect. Also, since when are my actions a reflection of my personal judgment?"
Btw, girl in the first box on the right, when people defend their worth as being separate from their appearance, they’re referring to the qualities that they have no control over, like me and my man hands.  That post should read - My worth is not equal to my man hands.
Chappelle said it best when he said - to the girl at the club - you’re not a whore, but “you’re wearing a whore’s uniform.”  And if you buy and wear a cop uniform, be prepared to waist time explaining and proving that you are not a cop. 
"But I love my cop uniform, and I wanna wear it permanently." intiniermoments:

Stand up for who you love <3All photos here!

Ah, finally a post that rebukes the marginalization of the tattooed community in the vein of popular campaigns for racial equality, gay rights, and feminism.  Because having a tattoo is equal to all of those things.
"If lesbians should be a allowed to marry, I, a person who voluntarily inked this sugar skull on my forearm, should be allowed unconditional respect. Also, since when are my actions a reflection of my personal judgment?"
Btw, girl in the first box on the right, when people defend their worth as being separate from their appearance, they’re referring to the qualities that they have no control over, like me and my man hands.  That post should read - My worth is not equal to my man hands.
Chappelle said it best when he said - to the girl at the club - you’re not a whore, but “you’re wearing a whore’s uniform.”  And if you buy and wear a cop uniform, be prepared to waist time explaining and proving that you are not a cop. 
"But I love my cop uniform, and I wanna wear it permanently." intiniermoments:

Stand up for who you love <3All photos here!

Ah, finally a post that rebukes the marginalization of the tattooed community in the vein of popular campaigns for racial equality, gay rights, and feminism.  Because having a tattoo is equal to all of those things.
"If lesbians should be a allowed to marry, I, a person who voluntarily inked this sugar skull on my forearm, should be allowed unconditional respect. Also, since when are my actions a reflection of my personal judgment?"
Btw, girl in the first box on the right, when people defend their worth as being separate from their appearance, they’re referring to the qualities that they have no control over, like me and my man hands.  That post should read - My worth is not equal to my man hands.
Chappelle said it best when he said - to the girl at the club - you’re not a whore, but “you’re wearing a whore’s uniform.”  And if you buy and wear a cop uniform, be prepared to waist time explaining and proving that you are not a cop. 
"But I love my cop uniform, and I wanna wear it permanently." intiniermoments:

Stand up for who you love <3All photos here!

Ah, finally a post that rebukes the marginalization of the tattooed community in the vein of popular campaigns for racial equality, gay rights, and feminism.  Because having a tattoo is equal to all of those things.
"If lesbians should be a allowed to marry, I, a person who voluntarily inked this sugar skull on my forearm, should be allowed unconditional respect. Also, since when are my actions a reflection of my personal judgment?"
Btw, girl in the first box on the right, when people defend their worth as being separate from their appearance, they’re referring to the qualities that they have no control over, like me and my man hands.  That post should read - My worth is not equal to my man hands.
Chappelle said it best when he said - to the girl at the club - you’re not a whore, but “you’re wearing a whore’s uniform.”  And if you buy and wear a cop uniform, be prepared to waist time explaining and proving that you are not a cop. 
"But I love my cop uniform, and I wanna wear it permanently." intiniermoments:

Stand up for who you love <3All photos here!

Ah, finally a post that rebukes the marginalization of the tattooed community in the vein of popular campaigns for racial equality, gay rights, and feminism.  Because having a tattoo is equal to all of those things.
"If lesbians should be a allowed to marry, I, a person who voluntarily inked this sugar skull on my forearm, should be allowed unconditional respect. Also, since when are my actions a reflection of my personal judgment?"
Btw, girl in the first box on the right, when people defend their worth as being separate from their appearance, they’re referring to the qualities that they have no control over, like me and my man hands.  That post should read - My worth is not equal to my man hands.
Chappelle said it best when he said - to the girl at the club - you’re not a whore, but “you’re wearing a whore’s uniform.”  And if you buy and wear a cop uniform, be prepared to waist time explaining and proving that you are not a cop. 
"But I love my cop uniform, and I wanna wear it permanently."

intiniermoments:

Stand up for who you love <3

All photos here!

Ah, finally a post that rebukes the marginalization of the tattooed community in the vein of popular campaigns for racial equality, gay rights, and feminism.  Because having a tattoo is equal to all of those things.

"If lesbians should be a allowed to marry, I, a person who voluntarily inked this sugar skull on my forearm, should be allowed unconditional respect. Also, since when are my actions a reflection of my personal judgment?"

Btw, girl in the first box on the right, when people defend their worth as being separate from their appearance, they’re referring to the qualities that they have no control over, like me and my man hands.  That post should read - My worth is not equal to my man hands.

Chappelle said it best when he said - to the girl at the club - you’re not a whore, but “you’re wearing a whore’s uniform.”  And if you buy and wear a cop uniform, be prepared to waist time explaining and proving that you are not a cop. 

"But I love my cop uniform, and I wanna wear it permanently."

(via awriterandnothingelse)